Embracing Yahwehs Perspective

Testimony
Rev 12:11 “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death”
Hello, my name is Lloyd Browne. My testimony starts at a young age. I was born on a refugee camp in Ghana Africa. My family survived a civil war in Liberia. The war was ruthless and devastating. With the slaughtering of other families and innocent people. It was a miracle to get out safely. I was 4 when we came to America. As a first-generation immigrant. Living with a single mom. We were in poverty. Many nights with no food, lights off, no heat. I was a lonely child who battled being different because of my culture. I was made fun of as a child. The words stuck to me like glue.
At that time many of my situations built up in me a battered identity. I grew up having no love for myself, or my life. I aspired deeply to be loved, accepted, and valued. Compromising morals and doing all I could to feel worthy of life. I carried a deep God shape void in my life. Years later coming back from a tour with the U.S. Army as an 11 Charlie Infantry Mortarman. It was my first time having a huge sum of money. At this point I had all the tools, this world taught me I needed, just to be somebody. I started going after the things of the world. To prove myself to the world. Clubs, cars, women, clothes, drugs, expensive trips you name it.
I started to reap the terrible harvest of all my actions. Being beaten down daily by consequences. I sought pleasure to cover and heal the pain. I started smoking weed and drinking daily to give me the illusion that life was ok. Thank God I never moved on to harder drugs but those were all the devil needed to wreck my life. I then started to go after women, seeking a love from them that would be as sufficient as God's. Through each, I searched and never found it. I can’t imagine the number of people left wounded through my transgression. Meanwhile, the great gift that God had waiting for me in a wife and pure relationship was being squandered. See what hit me was that. God's gift of sex and unity is powerful and pure. By me taking my own steps to get to that gift I received a counterfeit version. One that only lasted until I left the bed.
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God's promises are true, but we affect the outcome of that promise when we go about our own ways to get them. We then risk receiving something he didn’t intend and being in bondage with that. Accepting it as if that’s how it was supposed to be. It was like if you have an amazing family recipe. And you give your kids the full list on how to cook the meal. You tell them only this much salt, add pinto beans at this time, cook in a crockpot on low for 8 hours long. But they go and say mhmm I think black beans would be better. And I don’t have time to wait 8 hours. I'll just put it on high for 2 hours. When that meal comes out and it does not taste like momma said it would. Who can I blame? See in a practical sense by having sex with so many women, I was dirtying my mind. I had so many memories, pictures, and feelings stocked up in my heart. Now when I go to get married, I may not receive all that I would of if I hadn’t had that infiltration. Our joining together would be amazing, it would be the only thing I knew. I would get the fullest of that gift.
I couldn’t grasp why nothing would go right in those areas of my life. I have realized that in life when something isn’t working we are better off going to the manufacturer or the owner's manual to correct the problem. For a powerful and real fix in my life, I should have gone to my creator. The way I thought determined the way I behaved. I was trying to change my behavior, not the root of how I thought. Doing it that way I would fall back into my old patterns of thinking easily. In life my many emotions are futile. They change and waver very much. One minute I feel on top of the world one minute I don’t. The things that stay the same are God's truth and what he showed me. I had to see that living an emotionally led life. Took me to many bad paths I didn’t understand. I had to let what I knew, be the foundation that reigned over what I felt.
Why was I chasing a life that didn’t fulfill? See the truth was I had needs in my life. But I quickly saw the devil use them to impart unfruitful desires. That led to a less than content and unsatisfied heart. My need to be loved and cared for turned into sexual immorality and searching for that love. My need for self-worth turned into desires of earthly riches and fame. My need to have shelter turned into desires of luxury and greed, in that mindset how could I ever feel like I had or was enough? My identity was conformed to the standards of this world. I was spending money frivolously and childishly. Lloyd to me was filthy and lost all hope of purity. I didn’t allow God's forgiveness to resonate in my life. I began to realize I had no relationship with my creator.
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And that was the main reason I was broken. I was a lost soul searching for the world to bring me home.
When my transgressions got too great I was at rock bottom. And the rock of ages was the only rock I fell on. I decided to join a program called HOA Adult/Teen Challenge. An intensive discipleship program, where you study the word of God and seek him for a year. No phone, no secular Tv, no Laptop. Spending 5 hours a day in the word. As well as constant biblical curriculum for the bulk of our time. I sought and found deliverance of God. That took leaving my family, my job, ending a relationship and dying to the Lloyd I knew.
At that program, God completely destroyed the old canvas of my life. He gave me a new one and started to write his heart on it. I truly felt forgiven and justified by Jesus Christ. I even was able to forgive myself for many of these wrongs. I used to think I was way too far gone to receive anything from God. I saw God's mercy and grace at work in my life. I dealt with and am dealing with many consequences of a life not based on jesus till this today. I completely destroyed finances, relationships, and personal endeavors. As I accepted my sin and the result of it, I had to fight harder to overcome it. I used to expect God to take away the consequences of my sin. That was like asking God to violate his righteousness and my free will. But as I push towards him, I see him taking over and healing those consequences.
Religion falsely taught me what i have to do to get God to do something for me. That is wrong. I am to have a relationship with God. I have moved past my guilt and shame, by the price that Jesus paid on that cross. The key was spending time adjusting my perspective on the foundation of God. He broke my chains into pieces and instilled in me a living and powerful faith. Most importantly He showed me that no matter what I had done in life, His grace was indeed sufficient for me. I am now a pastoral ambassador at Life. I have heard and answered my call to ministry. I hope to become a pastor. I never thought I would be at this point. There is truly FREEDOM FOR ALL! Let's us go Grab it!
Ecclesiastes 7:8 Reads, “The end of a thing is better than its beginning and better the patient in spirit than the proud in spirit. Thank you