It's Campaign Season! To celebrate my candidacy for United States Congress in the First Congressional District I am only doing political humor until I win the election!
If you want someone who wants to represent you in Congress and entertain your guests with some fun political humor about my experiences in the military, in the Middle East and on the campaign trail, I am your candidate for comedy and real leadership. If political humor is not your bag, try me after the election or check out my books, Heinessights: Wisdom For the Ages, My Year in Oman, Another Year in Oman, Killing Time in Saudi Arabia, The Rainier Paradigm, Deceptions of the Ages or I Fought the Deep State & I Won. Book now!
Be the first to review Matthew Heines
Price Range: $50 and up
Gig Length: 20 - 120 minutes
Languages: English
I do jokes about:
Seattle, Sequim, Washington place names, WSU, UW, sports, traffic, life, overpopulation, immigration, weather, legal weed, microsoft, Google, stupid things people say, working, corporate culture, reality, politics, religion, dating, comedians, the media, the government, jobs I've had, people I don't like, being poor, life in the Middle East,
I grew up in Sequim. I didn't know how poor we were until I saw a picture of my family on a Welfare poster. I joined the Army after high school on a dare. After the Army, I went to WSU where I majored in History. It would help prepare me for later life when I was often told I was History by romantic interests and employers alike. I taught in Alaska but I found everyone there gave me the cold shoulder. I worked as a substitute in the Seattle area until I realized my students were making more money at MacDonald's than I was. I took a job teaching in the Sultanate of Oman after September 11, 2001. It was so hot there, the camels came with air conditioning. I taught there and in Saudi Arabia as an instructor at Saudi Arabian Air Defense Academy. That's where they learned how to shoot down flying carpets...
I could go on, but that is a quick overview of my sad story.
Let me bring my experiences to your next party.
I only ask that I be allowed to record my performance for quality control.
If you do not have a working microphone and speaker, I can provide one.
| September 20, 2018 • 2:00pm - 3:00pm | Auburn Comedy Fest |
(Comedy)
Current Events
Growing Up in the Northwest
Teaching
Sports
College
Politics or News topics
Dating or marriage
Military Life
Northwest Life
Scuba Diving
Living Overseas
(Author)
Middle East
History
UFO
Extraterrestrials
Freemasons
Latter-day Saints
American History
Oman Lecture
Saudi Arabia Lecture
Teaching in the Middle East
Life in the Middle East
Writing for a living
Steve Martin, Norm MacDonald, Pee Wee Herman, The Lone Ranger,
A decent sound system. If not, I can bring my own.
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