I write songs about real life, with no filters and uncensored. If you've ever thought it, I've wrote a song about it. With a rich baritone voice it's been said I'm like Berry White only whiter and when I sing babies get made! I am Americas first choice for dysfunctional family entertainment and my twisted take on things, day by day I'm coming closer to being main stream. If your easily offended, I'm probably not what you are looking for but if you are having a party to celebrate a recent divorce then I'm your man.
Be the first to review Tim Schultz
Price Range: Contact for rates
Gig Length: 30 - 90 minutes
You get a high energy show, great music and laughter enough said.
After being dropped on his head many times as a baby, some screws got loose and a little wiring may have been crossed inside the mind of Tim Schultz. However his Momma has always said “God Didn’t Make Mistakes” and if you also subscribe to that belief, then I guess you could say that it was thru his stripes, that world has been blessed with Tim’s one of a kind superstar talent! Tim Schultz is so much more than just a tremendously gifted singer, songwriter, actor, comedian and international sex symbol; he also makes some pretty mean tacos, with fresh guacamole and all the fixings!
His voice is like Berry White's, only whiter and when Tim Schultz sings; babies get made, that is a well-established fact! The thunder that rattles from his
Picture
guitar strings makes the Devil weep like a prep school pussy and when he bends them just right he has been known to posses the most Hard-shell Baptist invoking them to “Moonwalk” and do “The Hustle”! His lyrics can only be described as intoxicating and orgasmic, while his melodies are like cocaine wrapped in bacon! When you hear Tim for the first time you will you will remember that moment for the rest of your life and to see him live is like gazing into the crystal ball of country music’s future, he is just light-years ahead of his time! If “Real Country Music” is 3 cords and the truth, then Buddy let me tell you something, Tim knows 4 cords, a couple of nasty licks and he ain’t afraid to give you all the dirty details!
The undisputed "King of the Gangstabillies" may still be underground now but you know that is where seeds are sown. So now that you have found him, spread the word and tell all your friends to check him out.
Self contained up to 200 people larger events contact for more information.
Song Titles: Asshole, Backdoor Valentine, Bi-Polar Baby, Blow Your Man, Button Your Lips, Dirty Old Man, Does The Carpet Match The Drapes, Even Hitler Had Some Friends, Fathers Day, I Taught Her That, I Wish She Knew, If You'll Give Me Some Pussy (Then I Wont Be Such A Dick), I'll Write A Song About It, I'm Gonna Get Fucked Up So Fuck You, I'm Not Getting Any On The Side, In Your Butt, Just Because We're Married, Lubbock Jail, Meat On The Bones, My Dog Dog Gone Died, My Ex-Wife Is Lucky I'm Not O.J., Please Play With My Penis, Power Of Attorney, Screwed Again, Sears Catalog, She Takes Care Of My Wiener, Smoke 2 Bowls, Smoke Some Grass, Suck The Chrome, Tea Time In Texas, Tell Me How I Taste, Tonight We're Gonna 69, When I Get Drunk and the list keeps growing...
Bits:(link hidden), Pecker Pills, Don't Listen To Opra, Single Again, Where There's A Poke There's Hope, Parental Advice, Cruse Ship Romance and many more...
Ollie Joe Prater, Ron White, Alex Reymundo, Tim Wilson, Rodney Carrington, Tim Minchin, Steve McGrew, Ray Stevens, Redd Foxx, George Strait, Skip Ewing, Dean Dillon, Willie Nelson, Ernest Tubb, Hank Williams, Rodney Crowell, J. Scott Homan, Garth Brooks, Van Halen, Van Heffer, Doug Stanhope and Tom Rhoades.
Small Stage With Adequate Lights Nothing Fancy I Supply My Own Sound.
Chicago, IL 
Dueling Pianos
Samantha M. said “We hired Felix & Fingers for our annual company Christmas party, and they were wonderful! From the initial phone call to inquire about hiring them,…”
Omaha, NE
Ventriloquist
160 Verified Bookings Luke K. said “Marc was very entertaining, we had an audience from ages 20- 92 and everyone one loved his performance. He was excellent with our audience getting them…”
Dallas, TX
Marilyn Monroe Impersonator
36 Verified Bookings Tina M. said “Residents/families loved the overall excitement.....ALWAYS kept the crown involved. Will hire again!!”
Liberty Hill, TX
Comedian
2 Verified Bookings Penny N. said “Kevin performed in Eastland Texas at a private golf resort. He was very funny.”
List your services
Log In
